Coming Out To My Sister (Weekly Writing Challenge: Cliffhanger!)

Coming out to your family is probably one of the most dreaded things every LGBT person contemplates at some point. For some, it’s not that bad. Perhaps they have an accepting family who have all previously voiced their support for the gay community. That makes it a little easier. Others are well aware of the possibility that they may be disowned for being gay. Regardless of the stance, pretty much every LGBT person is at least somewhat nervous to come out to them.

Even though many people can tell I’m gay, I can’t say the same about my family. I’ve made posts in the past like How Do My Parents Not Know I’m Gay and How My Family Discovered Grindr on Christmas Day that both do a pretty good job of showing how seemingly unaware my parents are.

The fact of the matter is, I’m not sure how they’re going to react when I come out.

Photo Dec 28, 2 13 51 PM
Me and My Dorky Sister 😉

My sister is almost 14 years old and she’s finally starting to show an interest in my love life. On New Years, we were sitting down together and she was starting to grill me about who I like. She has every right to want to know- she’s probably starting to wonder why I haven’t talked about liking any girls in my 18 years of existence. She insisted I must like someone and really wanted to know “her” name… Question after question, I kept saying, “No one. There’s no one!” At first I was calm but she got me worked up quickly. The more she pressed, the more guilty I felt! I wanted to be honest but it seemed unfair to come out to her an hour before the start of 2014. There was no way for me to know how she would react. What if my news actually ruined her night? I couldn’t risk that. She deserved to start 2014 on a positive note!

I really want to come out to her. She’s old enough to understand (I think). I’d probably ask her to hold off on telling Mom and Dad but then part of me almost wonders if she’d blackmail me with the information. Terrible, right? She’s a great kid but in the heat of the moment, if she was really mad at me, who knows what she might say!

Well last night, I did a lot of thinking and really weighed all the pros and cons of coming out to her. I’ve made my decision and now I know what I’m going to do.

To Be Continued.

PART II IS NOW AVAILABLE HERE

0 thoughts

  1. Very exciting and nerve racking. My brother was the first person I told, and he was amazing. He is four years older than me and one of his best friends had already come out to him. Never the less, it did feel really good to talk to him about it. I’m sure your sister will be just as cool.

    1. So happy to hear that coming out to your brother went well for you! Funny how you came out to an older-male sibling and I’m coming out to a younger-female sibling. Would be interesting to compare our experiences sometime! 🙂

      1. Absolutely. I think you have inspired a post about it from me. As difficult as it was at the time, it almost seems silly that it was such a big thing now. My brother (and the rest of my family) accept my boyfriend like he is one of the family now. My family are pretty laid back about stuff luke this though. I guess I’m pretty lucky that way. Feel free to email me if you want to talk x

  2. Rocky, why the drama? Why the hype? You are so many facets, with being gay just one part of your self-identity. Those who know and love you will be accepting, no matter what you declare yourself to be. Labels and packaging are truly irrelevant. Get comfortable with who the authentic you is and get on with your amazing life. What others think and care is of no importance to you. You are who you are and as long as you stay true to yourself (with your sexual orientation being just a fraction of what you have to offer), all will unfold as it is intended. 🙂

    1. Thanks, Eric! Believe me, I know that being gay is only one piece of who I am but somehow it still seems like such an important part of my future and I feel like it’s something my parents would care about. It’s the fact that I have a great relationship with my parents that freaks me out – I don’t want to risk messing it up! But thank you, I’ll really do my best to remember your advice! 🙂

  3. Good luck to you.

    When I was your age the common wisdom was not to say anything to your family until you were out of school and financially secure. I guess that’s changed. I’m glad to read you feel you can come out to her.

    Another thing they used to say when I was younger is you come out first to yourself then, in no particular order, your family, friends, community — and you keep coming out for the rest of your life. That last bit is definitely true. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Cteavin! The common wisdom you mentioned still applies to many people and in many places – I just happen to live in a more progressive part of the world. About the last part, that is very true. It’s a shame that the coming out process never really ends….

      1. You know, I’m actually hopeful that coming out will end.

        More and more I’m meeting young people who grew up seeing same sex relationships as just another relationship. One day, if we the continues on a path of live and let live, I think people won’t notice anymore. It all depends on people like you and me to just be ourselves.

        1. I hope the world can be like that one day too. It sure would be nice! Things already seem to be on a path of improvement so let’s hope it only gets better from here! Maybe one day it won’t be an issue at all!

    1. Hahaha great, then you should stay tuned and find out what happens! 🙂 I really enjoyed this Weekly Writing Challenge. I’m glad I participated because just writing this post really helped me think through my decision.

      (Love when fellow New Jerseyans visit!!)

  4. You are brave and it’s good to change something. We don’t know your sister’s reaction yet but I really hope this is going to be a happy ending. I also think she would appreciate your coming out as your sister 🙂 Good luck !!!

  5. Ha! I love that you’re giving your sister a choice in finding out …! I’m the youngest of four boys and my next-eldest brother found out the hard way … he walked in on me and my then-boyfriend at a, shall we say, intensely intimate moment. And then very quickly left the room (being fair – I had my bedroom door shut, but he knocked and immediately walked in without waiting). Later on after my boyfriend had left (“oh shit, oh shit, your brother’s going to kill me …”) I went to his room (making a point of knocking and waiting) and spoke to him. And he said the nicest thing that anybody could have ever said to me:

    “You’re my little brother. I love you no matter what.”

    I think I was about the same age as you are now (said from the grand old age of 33). I never announced it to anybody. I never saw it as my duty to “come out” to them in that way. My mum once asked and I said yes. I never expressly told my dad, and my two other brothers all found out by being introduced to my boyfriends (one of them had a bit of a problem with it, but I never gave him a choice).

    And I’m now married to an awesome guy who they all accept without thought.

    *shrug* I’m not ashamed. Its not something I’m embarrassed about. At my last job I was there for 5 months before somebody asked, eyes wide, “You’re gay?!” at which point I snorted and said yes. I don’t announce it to people as the salient fact about me: “Hi, my name’s Dominic and I’m gay.” It just … unravels as part of conversation. But, yeah, I’ve been where you are now. And it can be terrifying. But it’ll generally be awesome.

    And sorry for the giant comment …

    1. Don’t be sorry, I love that you took the time to share your story with me! Very realistic story and you have an interesting perspective. Thanks for the words of encouragement! It’s always nice to hear from people who have had a more positive coming out experience and I’m happy that your family and friends have accepted you for who you are. 🙂

  6. The first blog I’ve read this year (went a little AWOL on my blog last year) and I loved it 🙂
    I’m not sure why but I feel like you’re full of life, based on your writing. I think that’s kind of neat — that you can come across that way by the way you piece words together.

    I’ll be reading Rocky 🙂

    Z, xo

    1. Hi Zlowdown! I feel so honored- Thanks for following and I’m so glad you enjoyed my post! I’m really excited to have you on board as a new follower and can’t wait to get to know more about you! 😀

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