Wow. I’m really not sure where to begin… Yesterday was quite an interesting day. I felt so sick and queasy all day as I waited for 5:00 PM, the time when college admission decisions would be posted online.
First I checked Princeton, rejected. I was disappointed, but not devastated because I’ve heard so many bad stories about grade deflation, overly competitive students, and the whole thesis requirement thing that other schools don’t have.
Then I checked Cornell: a school I felt I stood a pretty good chance at since they have accepted so many students from my school in the past. Nope, rejected.
Feeling so scared, I waited a few hours. When I finally built up the courage, I checked Harvard when I was alone in my room. Rejected. Then I said a few prayers, gathered a few good luck charms, and checked Columbia’s website: Rejected.
That was four out of six. Yikes. I went to my room and made yesterday’s daily blog post. Then I waited for my little sister to come home. Once she walked in, she and my mother sat with me as I checked Yale: the school I wanted SO BADLY. I applied early action but my application was incomplete and got moved to the regular pool. Well all of those early efforts were pretty much wasted because guess what: Rejected.
And then finally, the school that was literally the most important thing in the world to me: The University of Pennsylvania. The school where I was the perfect fit. The school that would put my in the most amazing Digital Media Design program in the world. The school that also rejected me. Crushed.
Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly become any more awful, right before I was about to go to bed, my phone buzzed. An e-mail. My final dream school, NYU, had sent out decisions early. I thought to myself, “Do I dare look? This is it. It’s NYU or nothing at this point…” Well, it’s nothing because NYU rejected me too.
My life feels like it has been spun upside down. In the last 24 hours, every dream and every path I ever pictured myself living was completely obliterated and I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I felt so qualified and ready for at least ONE of these schools to accept me. I was really counting on the excellent need-based financial aid. I was really looking forward to the residential college experience. I was so thrilled to be surrounded my motivated, ambitious, intelligent individuals. I also liked the extremely liberal student bodies. This serious sucks.
I don’t even know where to go now… Drexel? I can’t afford it! TCNJ? They haven’t accepted me yet. Stevens? I was waitlisted. Rutgers? It feels like Rutgers is my only option but I don’t think it’s super impressive, to be completely honest.
Why didn’t I apply to more schools in the middle? Why didn’t I apply to George Washington, to UChicago, to Northwestern, to Northeastern, to Wesleyan, to Boston College or even Boston University? WHY WHY WHY
Honestly, I feel like I’ve wasted my life. Why did I take those challenging classes in high school. Why did I take the SAT five times, why did I join every single club in my high school, why did I take college classes senior year, why why why? Why did I miss so many parties and hangouts only to do homework and study when none of this really mattered? I hate everything right now…